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Being the parent of an ADHD kid is really hard

especially when some people make you feel like you're insane-

that look at you like you must be a nutcase when you say
"something is not right with my child,"

a child they only see for a few hours at a time
so they know them better,

a child they never see lose it completely
so you must be exaggerating about how bad things are,

or that question your parenting when you have to enforce rules that they don't understand

or don't comprehend that they were made for a reason
or don't get that routine and bedtime are sacred words at our house for a reason
and sugar and such are given in limited quantities
because they open the gateway to tantrums-
like making them meltdowns on speed-
that are more severe for that ADHD kid
and create a funk it is difficult for him to shake
and that funk can last for days.
Imagine days of lacking impulse control and being wound so tight you might burst
and sometimes you do burst
and it involves sobbing and screaming for hours on end
and you just can't make it stop.
That's what a sugar high does for our ADHD child.
We know the cost of a sugar overload one night means at least 24 hours of hell at home. 

No parent wants to drug their child for ADHD,

but nothing we've tried has worked long term.
We're tried sticker charts, rewards, punishments, you name it.
Nothing curbs the hyperactivity and increases the impluse control like he needs it.

We tried Intuniv, which did nothing,

then Concerta, which made his face swell up twice its normal size,

then Vyvanse which gave him migraines and diarrea,

and finally Focalin XR that worked like a charm for school,

but turned him into an emotional mess at home-

complete with fits of anger, crying, and yelling-

turning him into a child we didn't recognize.

We tried therapy and that was a fail,
and then it got so bad we took him off his meds in the middle of May.

Summer wasn't so bad-

we could actually keep our windows open

and not have to worry about the neighbors hearing him yell and scream

over things things like his brother looking at one of his toys

or he didn't like what we were having for dinner. 

He even tried new foods for the first time in forever.

It was nice to not have to walk on pins and needles for the first time in 18 months.

And then came the start of the school year and the return of rocket math.

He struggled to focus and after multiple tests could only finish half the questions

even after practicing, practicing, practicing.

Five times and he didn't progress.

The little voice said, "Maybe we should restart his meds."

And so we did. 

And he almost passed the next test. 

He was two shy of the twenty eight he needed.   

We made the right choice for him academically,

but at what cost to us and our family?

Tonight we had macaroni and cheese for dinner-

macaroni and cheese that looked different so he wouldn't try it

and it brought on a meltdown

complete with yelling so loud we had to close the windows.

Again.

Like before.

And now we have to call the doctor again
and hope the doctor will finally prescribe the right med,

the one that will work for our child,

that won't turn him into a person we don't recognize.